Have you ever lost someone who had been one of your best friends for your whole life, until that last chapter? I did and the pain was deeper than I could ever convey to you. When she died, I barely grieved. I had already grieved my loss of her for over a year.
Another close friend had turned her against me, during what was an unstable time in our lives. I believe I was seen as the one who held things together, the strong one, and that somehow made me the common enemy. Though I only see this in hindsight.
The betrayal from both of them was painful, but the betrayal of the one who had been there by my side for my whole life ~ that betrayal was shattering. I had watched her strike out at others whenever she somehow felt threatened, but I loved her without judgment and that was a thread that held us together, until one dreadful day, in the final chapter of our life together.
As I sat by her bedside, in the last week of her life, she attempted to explain and apologize. I comforted her the best I could and prayed for her salvation. But it was only last night, nearly three years since her death, that we bridged the gap. She came to me in my sleep. It was intense. Explaining how she had hurt me, I watched her stiffen and set her jaw, but she listened. I explained that the worst part was when she refused to hug me, to give me her love.
She replied, “You mean if I just admit I hurt you and tell you I love you, I can still win?”
What in the world is she talking about? I wondered. Like this has all just been a game?
I merely answered her, “Yes. I don’t care anything about winning. I just need your love. That is all I have ever needed.”
“I did hurt you. That’s what I do,” she answered. “But of course I love you,” she said, weeping from where she lay on the couch. She held out her arms to me. From my place, sitting next to her, I fell into her arms. We wept together and loved each other well.
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